Today we’d like to introduce you to Kelsi Roth.
Hi Kelsi, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
Life has been a blending of blessings and struggle! I’ve always been anxious and depressed — I was 8 years old writing poetry about suicide. The last few years of self-discovery and having labels to finally explain what society deemed “wrong” with me blew my life wide open!
In college I realized I was attracted to women but was pushed back into the closet by an abusive boyfriend. Once I broke free of that relationship I embraced being queer! I graduated cum laude with a degree in Creative Writing (focus in Creative Nonfiction and Poetry) with minors in Comparative Religion and Literature. I used to struggle in school — my report cards were laden with Cs, Ds, and Fs. Ironically, it wasn’t until I finished my degree that I received an ADHD diagnosis! How helpful that would have been!
As time went on, I realized there was something more creating struggle in my mind, body, and life. I had nonbinary friends and, as I learned more about their life experiences, I realized how much I felt the same. I remember sobbing on my couch thinking, “no, no, I don’t want to be this person. It’s too hard.” But I didn’t force myself back into the closet again. I began using “she/they” pronouns and loved it. The balance felt harmonious and true!
Around this same time I stumbled across a random post about autism. The writer said they organized their stuffed animals to ensure their comfort. I looked up at my stuffed animal collection — evenly spaced yet cozy — watching over the room and thought, “uhh… doesn’t everybody do that?!” The more I looked into autism the more things made sense. t was like the main questions and struggles in my life began to take shape. Why I was horrific at social interactions when I was younger but grew into a hypervigilant empath (though I still step on the occasional landmine). Why my brain and way of thinking seemed almost antithetical to everyone I knew. I then discovered another “profile” within the AuDHD spectrum called “PDA Autism.” Originally meaning “Pathological Demand Avoidance” but now reclaimed as “Pervasive Drive for Autonomy.” Basically, I’ve spent 29 years of my life being controlled, corrected, and abused so my nervous system developed a “F*** NO!” response to demands.
The range of my resume is far and wide. I’ve been a writing fellow, a barista trainer & shift supervisor, a marketing consultant, a nonprofit event coordinator, a photographer, and now, multi-media creative specialist! This year I began my own business: Kelsi Unfailing. It’s all about embracing the journey. Failure is a part of life and, quite frankly, we learn more from failure than success. I’ve discovered a million ways to fail — at school, at relationships, but especially at accepting myself. Now I’m embracing myself — failures and all!
Back when I was a barista I had a regular customer ask me: “you’re always so cheerful! How do you do it?” I paused, thought about it, and answered honestly: “When you’ve lived through a lot of hard times you learn to love the everyday.”
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
The road has not been smooth. Sometimes it felt like there wasn’t a road at all! I’ve had to go off road, forge my own path, hit dead ends, turn around, and try again.
I cannot remember a time I wasn’t anxious. I remember trying to get on the bus to go to Kindergarten for the first time, walking up those steps, and exploding into panicked tears. I remember being in second grade and trying to collect all the tiny toads from our lawn because I was terrified the lawn mower would rip them to shreds. I’m learning how to accept fear as an ally not an obstacle and put myself out there anyway!
There have been many struggles through life: I’m Jewish, queer, gender queer, and autistic. And, those aren’t exactly popular or “acceptable” things to be. Our family moved, on average, once a year. I’ve moved 9 times out of state! My formative years were spent in Kentucky and Arizona — states not exactly known for protecting anyone but straight, white, cis men. I absorbed a lot of messaging that resulted in seeing myself as the “Bad Kid.” Though I didn’t have most of those labels at the time I knew there was something “wrong” with me. I think this is a story a lot of people relate to.
One of the most significant pain points of my life thus far ties to an abusive relationship in college. For years the resulting PTSD affected my every moment. 10 years later it’s part of me but doesn’t control me. Autumn is difficult — when the leaves fall I remember all over again. Knowing that helps me prepare and care for myself. Grounding in the present reality is vital. This is one of the reasons I love my tattoos! Both reclaiming my body from trauma and self-harm and reminding me of the present moment. It’s a beautiful way to use art to express, honor, and support myself! Art has always carried me through — and still does. Poetry has literally saved my life.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
Starting a small creative business has been thrilling! I was created special and now I specialize in creating. I’ve done a little of everything. I have so many artistic endeavors that I adore and am excited to be able to see where this leads.
I’ve always loved to write. Poetry and creative nonfiction are my favorite genres to work in. I also have hundreds of books and am known to haunt used bookstores. Some writers and books I return to again and again. Lidia Yuknavitch. Emily Dickinson. Pablo Neruda. Joy Harjo. Ada Limón. Tosha Silver. Annie G. Rogers, Ph.D. William Stafford. The list goes on! I love being able to return to writing and discover something new each time. Certain books are like homes. I’d love to write something like that; to create art people can crawl inside and discover themselves all over again!
My two greatest loves are writing and photography. Different forms of capturing the moment, the essence of someone or something. Being able to convey the feelings and show what really happened. To grab that split second expression or fleeting sentence. Creating something that lasts and holds meaning.
I’m known to obsess, deep dive, and absorb new forms of creativity. I’m always learning, exploring, expanding. This definitely sets me apart. I will spend hours, days, years fixating on creative forms. Their history, techniques, famous creators, hidden or erased knowledge. I want to parse apart and devour every detail to fully experience the art. To completely give myself over to it, to play around in it, to fail; to try and try and try again! My process is very much: play, fail, learn!
In terms of your work and the industry, what are some of the changes you are expecting to see over the next five to ten years?
Both inside and outside the creative industry this next decade is going to rock us all. The way the world is going — especially the United States — does not bode well for a peaceful, creative future. But, I know that art carries us through. When life is bleak, painful, and seemingly pointless we turn to art and community. We need to express ourselves! It’s sad so much of our basic human need for creative expression has been stolen, hidden, and commodified. Everyone needs movement, dance, song! To play and paint and have fun making a mess! It’s one of the strongest forms of rebellion, of self-care; of love. I hope great change is coming. I hope for apologies and attempts to make things right. I hope for acknowledgment and encouragement. For support, equity, dignity, representation, respect. I hope for love. I hope for art. When things are dark, it is vital we do not go silent nor lose our creative spark. That we pick up our pens, our cameras, ourselves. Hold onto art. Sometimes it is all we have.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://kelsiunfailing.com
- Instagram: @KelsiUnfailing
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelsiroth2/
Image Credits
All photographs and artwork by Kelsi Roth of Kelsi Unfailing.
